you just can’t write dialogue like this. not even david lynch.
cuckle: well of course that’s what an apple tastes like!
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for posting videos of raving dogs:
some people stay together for the sake of the kids; these guys better stay together for the sake of all the viewers they’re bound to get. unless they can put together a divorce video that’s equally awesome!
Lauren + JP from Matt Odom on Vimeo.
i love videos of people dancing like lunatics, particularly when they’re the only one enjoying themself, like this guy:
other classics: man attacked by bees to the tune of macarenaguy starts dance party to the tune of unstoppable
world’s happiest DJ to the tune of memories
gentlemen: i strongly urge that you use protection before engaging in this dance with your lady. might i suggest a hockey mask or a football helmet? thanks to surra de bunda, i’m predicting a dramatic rise in whiplash cases and the number of noses being broken on tailbones.
despite what everyone else on the internet is all agog about, i don’t think this video is cute at ALL. having lived in seattle for four years, i still can’t figure out why everyone looks so fucking androgynous and asexual there all the time. i’m embarrassed to say that even i did while i lived there. there’s something about the overcast skies that makes all women want to cut their hair choppy and wear clunky shoes and makes men spines and vocal chords melt into gelatinous muck. i don’t get it.
everyone in this video has the collective sex appeal of the piece of cauliflower i dropped between my stove and the counter three weeks ago, which i cannot reach and just shrivels and festers more and more everyday, not even snacked upon by rodents.
while some teenagers simultaneously practiced their math, balancing and spatial reasoning skills, i was more interested in practicing my french kissing skills on doorknobs.
i always say, it’s good for youth to have hobbies.
“Struggling with its immortality, a discarded plastic bag (voiced by Werner Herzog) ventures through the environmentally barren remains of America as it searches for its maker.” Video by Ramin Bahrani.
There really is little more calming than watching a plastic bag flutter in the wind.
In my dreams, i never completely fly; instead i just glide like this plastic bag, never really getting terribly high above the ground. So whenever i see a plastic bag gliding on the street it always feels vaguely surreal, like i’m seeing myself in a dream.
U 2? or TMI?
this is amazing! parents: baby got the croup? baby just a crybaby? get a wolf! it will shut your baby up fast!
“passion exists inside you, it does not exist in the job…but if you do find a way to ignite where you are, then you will find that the external world rearranges itself to accommodate the new person that you are becoming.”
columbia professor srikumar rao (author of Are You Ready to Succeed?) speaks about the folly of conditional gratification and the on-site happiness generators we all have inside our bodies. i think rao at times overemphasizes happiness and simplifies its achievement, particularly concerning the neurological significance of happiness, but for the most part i though this was a refreshing and even inspiring approach to re-structuring “mental models” of happiness.
i admire his enthusiasm, but eduard khil of trolololol fame really doesn’t understand the brevity of internet memes. next week we’ll all be like, “trolololol who???”
in reporter school there’s a class called “suppressing the urge to angrily throw your notes during a live broadcast 101″ but volunteer news reporter Gordon Boyd learned reporting the urban way, on the rough streets of knoxville, represent!
i know what you’re thinking: it’s a cyriak video with teddy bears, pigeons, and fuel-efficient cars, how could it not get completely bat-shit loony brilliant halfway through? and you’d be totally totally right.
seattleites christopher bange, cory calhoun, and ian fraser remade the ‘perfect strangers’ opening shot-by-shot, but this time setting it in seattle instead of chicago. i love this idea! hopefully it’ll inspire other remakes in alternate cities. who’s got duluth, guys??!
with all the time i spend watching cats on the internet, you’d think i would just get one already. but why buy the cat when you can get the lulz for free?
i overheard my future self saying this to my future cat: “i told you you can’t go outside and kill lizards until you’ve practiced your yodeling for at least another hour.”