our economy has stabilized but our dignity has plummeted

if you’ve already given up on life, it’s frustrating to see that your dog is still trying. so why not get him a snuggie too, just like yours, in matching colors, both smothered in the same amount of dog hair and hopelessness?

i’m no theologian, but i do vaguely recall one of the harbingers of the apocalypse being “when animals doth don the desperation of their master, ye shall feel my wrath.” hopefully the first thing to be burned up by the flames of hell will be the snuggies off our backs.

and if wrapping your dog in a snuggie and forcing him to go outside weren’t bad enough (which at least the human snuggie is strictly for indoor wear—I HOPE!), doggie snuggie also comes with a talking dog tag on which you can record much-needed motivational words like “i’m sure he just lost his phone” or “the love of beanie babies is love enough.”  Or, if you’re not one to procrastinate, you can also just record your suicide note.

other suggestions for the expanding snuggie line:

• alcoholic snuggie (has multiple pockets for flasks and made from quick-dry fabric for those passed-out oopsies!)
• anorexia snuggie (20 sizes smaller than original snuggie; no arm holes means no snacking!)
• unemployed snuggie (made from quick-dry fabric for those tears of worthlessness)
• geriatric snuggie (comes with built-in colostomy bag)
• morbidly obese snuggie (no extra perks to this one as it’s the only thing that will cover your fat ass anymore)

via adfreak